News Article

This is the most recent article that I've written for the newspaper. I'm not sure if they are actually going to let me publish it because, let's face it, they ARE Utards. So here it is, just in case they don't actually publish it. . . enjoy. 

The Actuality of the Utard

Is Utah full of Utards? Or is the Utard some mythical creature that hangs out and plays poker with the abominable snowman and Bigfoot? Before moving to Utah, the most common words that I had associated with the state were Mormons and Utards. The Utard: a title and/or descriptive word that combines Utah and retard (“YOO-tard”). I’ve polled students across the Weber State University campus and I have compiled a list of ideas of what a Utard really is, and if it is, in fact, a real thing. Hopefully this article will help readers who are inflicted deal with this crippling and debilitating disease and way of thinking.

Not knowing much about the term Utard, I automatically assumed it was a derogatory term, and rightly so. When asking a WSU student, who prefers to remain anonymous, about the term they had this to say, “I think the word Utard has a lot more to do with the LDS culture than some people think.  People that don’t know much about their religion, but float along following the rules to fit in to the Utah society.” If that truly is the definition of a Utard, then I know quite a bit of them.

According to UrbanDictionary.com a Utard is not only someone that is retarded and also from Utah, but that it has something to do with crazy drivers in Utah. I definitely have encountered some crazy drivers in Utah but no more than in any other state. Not surprisingly, I don’t think I can actually count UrbanDictionary as a credible Web site.

Another student that is from Utah said, “I’ve heard the term Utard before, it doesn’t really bother me, I get where it comes from.” While some other students had never even heard the term at all. After speaking to students from Utah and outside of Utah, it seems that the term is used way more abundantly outside of the state.

The easiest way to diagnose Utardism is determining how he/she responds to open criticisms or even simple jests about Utah and its culture.  Utards seem to be horribly offended by anyone criticizing their state even if the criticism is valid. Rather than seek to understand the criticism or even lend a sympathetic ear, a Utard will normally try to counter with some criticism about the other person's home state or culture. Utards take any criticism or joke that is aimed at Utah very personally and generally lack any type of humor in regards to Utah and LDS-related things. It's more than just a simple matter of Utah pride; it's a belief in Utah perfection and superiority without any concrete facts to support such a belief. That is not to say that everyone from Utah, or living in Utah fits this mold.

Growing up outside of Utah has definitely set me apart from the “Utards” as I have lovingly come to know them.  Utard has kind of become a term of endearment rather than an insult.  But the fact remains that if you are from Utah, your parents are from Utah, or you have been in Utah longer than 5 years . . . we can tell.  Somehow the Utardedness latches on to you and you become “one of them.”